All Kinds of Things Can Go Wrong

Yesterday, a male friend told me and another female friend (who’s 34, married, no children) that when a woman gets pregnant after the age of 34, "all kinds of things can go wrong." He said it bluntly and insensitively, and we both had a strong reaction to it. Of course, we fully realize that pregnancy risks increase with age, but no woman what’s to think about the possibility of all kinds of things going wrong if she decides to get pregnant, regardless of her age.

This is a tough issue for me because even if I met someone this very second and fast-tracked the whole dating, marriage, having kids ... I still wouldn’t be having kids until my later 30s. And who knows, maybe I won’t meet someone until much later in life. Or, maybe I won’t meet someone at all.

I definitely want to have children, although I’ve never been one of those women overtaken by "baby fever." But I think that’s partly because I’ve never be in a relationship with someone where having kids was a real possibility (I considered myself too young when I was the Lumberjack and Drunky was, well, too drunk to be considered father material). Sometimes this realization "suddenly" hits me in the middle of, say, ironing a pair of pants that I may never have kids, and it frightens me and saddens me and, admittedly, just a little bit it relieves the selfish side of me that has grown as I’ve become older. And it’s hard not to regret that I seemingly leapt over my "prime reproductive years" and now am in a situation where if I’m lucky enough that it happens "all kinds of things can go wrong." Why didn’t I think about this when I was younger? Why did it feel like I had all the time in the world until one day I woke up and I just didn’t?

But as with many things I struggle with, I talked to my mom, and she made me feel better. She reminded me that my grandmother had my aunt when she was 42 and my grandmother’s sister had her first child when she was 39, both perfectly healthy babies, thank goodness. And that was way back in the 60s before Halle Berry and Mariska Hargitay made it fashionable to be an older mom. At least I know if the blessed event ever happens for me, I have good genes on my side :)

Cameron